Yellow Dress
From the balcony you can't see the freeway or the beach, even though they run adjacent to eachother. I grew up hundreds of miles inland and used to fall asleep to the sound of traffic, pretending it was the ocean. I won't ever take this place for granted.
Right now I'm in a position that most people my age will come to face sooner or later in their lifetime. I've found myself for the first time having to deal with an apartment that isn't big enough to keep everything I've collected over the past few years. Clothes I probably will never wear again but can't bring myself to give away for fear a girl exactly my size and height will one day own My Favorite Yellow Dress and have no way of knowing it was also The Yellow Dress You Hate. I've since forgiven you, because I know how much it bothered you to see me love something that was around before you and how your blood boiled at the thought of me wearing it for someone who wasn't you.
It used to be little things. The length of space between a man's shoulder blades as he steps off the bus, or brushing past someone wearing your cologne, as it were. On days when I couldn't think of better things to do, and even on days I could, I drove twenty minutes up the freeway to see if your exit still gave me butterflies. It’s the things I can’t explain because they happen so fast I don’t remember what they are. Like bending over the bathroom sink to wash my face and waiting for those hands to wrap around my hips.
There is evidence of prior termite infestations in the wood planks. They crunch whenever I shift my weight. A heavy jealousy manifests behind my ribs and spreads down the back of my knees and I am frustrated that the previous tenants didn't take better care of their balcony. It's ninety degrees in January and I think I'm beginning to take this place for granted. I wonder if it would be a bolder statement to start wearing my Old Yellow Dress again or purchase a New Favorite Dress. Maybe by next Summer I'll figure out that they were, and are, just clothes. By then I'll be able to afford a bigger closet anyway.
